Adjusting to the serenity of a quiet and empty home has been more of a struggle than I thought it would be. It’s strange having 24 hours of my day that haven’t been scheduled for me by somebody else. I have so much to do but don’t know where to begin. I feel kind of disoriented without structure and a deadline to meet for each assignment. I have battled with a variety of emotions from being extremely excited, to super overwhelmed, to knowing God has everything under control, to being overtaken by fear and doubt.
The other day I was laying in my bed at the peek of the day in a somewhat depressed stupor. I was having a really rough time not knowing where to begin with all the many tasks that seemed to be piled up before me. I had just returned home from Kamp not too many days earlier and my mom just got back from Japan so we didn’t have any time together up to this point. She was sleeping all day recovering from her jet lag (which usually means she would be dead to the world for hours on end.)
As I laid curled up in my bed, lonely and semi-depressed, I cried out to the Lord in a silent prayer (doubting that He would answer my silly request) but decided to ask anyway, “God, it would be pretty cool if you woke my mom up and brought her in here. I could use a hug right about now.” I rolled back over planning to sleep this “feeling” away but no joke, about 3 minutes later, I heard a knock on my door. Sure enough, it was my mom! She walked in and laid down next to me and held me. I was amazed yet again by God. He didn’t have to answer my small request. If He chose not to, I would have been okay. But He knew EXACTLY what I needed, the comfort of my mom.
We spent the remainder of the day together where I shared stories of camp and she shared what happened in Japan. Even better, we ended up praying with one another (it’s been a while). In that moment, we each felt the comfort of Christ manifest itself through overwhelming peace. I can not remember the last time I had felt this feeling. I knew in that moment that all of my worry and feelings of being overwhelmed were a lack of me trusting that God would provide. Despite the Lord showing up like He did that day, it is still very easy and so human of me to forget and pick up the burden of worry all over again. Slowly but surely, through simple moments like these, God keeps reminding me to exchange my heavy burdens for His rest.
