I have about three months left in this country that I have never quite loved but grown to appreciate. I have started a few new projects at Daughters so it keeps me on my toes and it makes time fly by. Before you know it, I’ll be packing up getting ready to board my flight back to the States after having spent two foundational years of my life overseas in a country that is nothing like my own.
Yesterday when I was at the market buying vegetables for the week, I thought to myself… “pretty soon, this will all just be a memory.”
I often contemplate how strange life is. We’re just a bunch of people trying to do our best to get by, none of us understanding the full meaning of life no matter how hard we try. Yet, strangely everything we experience can teach us something new about it.
And that’s all life really is, a journey of constant learning (if we are willing to be taught), a wrestle with the things we don’t understand, and an opportunity to bless or curse the One who gave us the gift of living it.
In the last twenty months I have felt like a rubber band being stretched to the point of breaking, but God has kept me. I have questioned the meaning of life. I have doubted. I have cried. I have thrown fits. I have rejoiced. I have danced. I have laughed. I have loved. I have realized how limited I am. I have learned how I can be a genuine, caring neighbor to my friends in need. But man, has some of the hopelessness at times been a deep, dark pit that has just about pulled me down with it!
I don’t understand how people can survive through such atrocities such as the genocide that happened with Pol Pot and the Khmer Rouge Regime. I have met people who lost their entire families, their limbs, their livelihoods at the hands of one man’s crazy idea of creating a utopia. I have met woman who have been raped and forced to sell their bodies in order to support their families. I have seen the hungry kids with the pot bellies from the “feed the children” commercials and all of it absolutely breaks my heart!
BUT DESPITE ALL OF THE TRAGEDY, WHAT STICKS OUT TO ME THE MOST IS THE INCREDIBLE ABILITY PEOPLE HAVE TO HEAL!
Where does their smile come from? Where does their hope come from? Where does their joy come from? I suppose that’s another reality of life that is true for each of us. Each of us experience pain and suffering in this life, (to different degrees have you), but nonetheless we all go through seasons of what we consider utter tragedy.
…And I ponder some more…
Without pain, how would we know healing? Without sorrow, how would we know joy? Without mourning, how would we know laughter?
In three months, I will leave this place forever changed.
Pretty soon, all of this will just be a bundle of memories organized in my brain as,
“My Two Years In Cambodia.”
Some memories I will forget, others I hope will never escape me.
Peace & Grace
It is and will always be more than…”My Two Years In Cambodia.” You have made a eternal impact. Thank you for being obedient in this call. Praying for these last few months.
Yes, I most certainly have to second what Crock posted. You have made an eternal impact and God bless you for being obediant to His call. He never said it would be easy, but He did say He would never leave us.
Thanking God for all the wonderful lessons
He has taught you in these two years,
In His love,
Kathy
Yes indeed Amarja, What wise friends you have who’ve given the previous comments. Most often, when we feel totally worthless in our endeavors to serve God, we’ll have people who we would never have expected to do so, come up to us and say, “what a blessing they received from the Lord through us” during a time when we thought that we had totally blown it. You know that your dad has gone through those dark times, when the storm clouds just seemed to keep piling up one on top of the other & with no blue skies in view at all. Then someone will say just how blessed that they were by how the Lord used me during those times & I’ll be blown away by the power of God that has shown through in my life & actions. Wow! What an awesome God we do serve! Praised be His name now & through the ages of ages! Amen!!! 🙂 <3
It sounds like it’s been a good journey, Amarja. You’ve learned a lot and have become a better disciple as a result.
The ambiguity in Cambodia is there on every side. It would have been so much easier not to press into it. I’m glad you went.
Wow Amarja! What a fantastic blog. I love the way you’ve processed your journey. I love your honesty and what I see that God has done in your life. You have done no small thing – you give of yourself each day in the way that is yours to give and people are impacted. Thanks for allowing me to walk along side of you in a tiny way.
Thank you for all of the encouraging words & prayers!
Amarja I have had the privilege of watching you grow and learn since you were a teenager. Even through growing pangs you have always had a heart for God and His mission for you. You have known sorrow first hand and the same strength that sustained you has been your strength to give to the people of Cambodia. They are blessed to have worked with someone so willing to put flesh aside for the greater good. The doors that God has opened through your service to Him for his dying people , no man can shut. And the seeds of unconditional love and deliverance will bear fruit long after you leave. One man sows, another waters and God adds the increase. Your labor is not in vain. I’m so proud of you! God richly bless and keep you from this walk of service to the next. No greater love than a man would lay down his life for another.